THE VARIOUS DESPERATE STAGES OF GETTING A BABY TO SLEEP - A HILARIOUSLY RELATABLE ILLUSTRATION

After bathing baby, getting her and yourself ready for bed, dimming the lights and getting into bed, the following stages can be helpful to get baby to sleep. If a stage was unsuccessful in getting baby to sleep, you will need to proceed to the next stage.

Tonight we only got to Stage 2, tonight was a good night.

Stage 1: Sit in bed with the nursing pillow on your lap, lay baby on the pillow, cover baby with her blanket (including the back of her head), nurse baby to sleep and lay baby down in bed. Pat baby's bum if needed after laying her down.

Stage 2: Lay baby down in bed facing you and offer the second boob. Proceed to first boob again and sometimes even back to second boob if needed.

Stage 3: Rhythmically pat baby on the bum if only almost asleep from the second boob.

Stage 4: Stand and rock baby to sleep while singing (often a made up song).

Stage 5: Go lie down with your sleeping baby on your chest for your night's rest.

Stage 6: Baby woke up on chest; lie with baby on your chest, moving your legs to rock baby to sleep on your jelly-belly from pregnancy.

Stage 7: If baby was not asleep at stage 4, you would skip stage 5 & 6 to rather stand and rock baby to sleep while singing and nursing baby.

Stage 8: Baby is still awake, place baby on bed and repeat stage 2.

Stage 9: Check baby's temperature for a possible fever and illness as cause for still being awake. Treat fever accordingly.

Stage 10: Baby had no fever; play with baby to tire her out then repeat stages 1 to 7.

Stage 11: Safely secure baby in bed with cushion buffer next to her and leave laughing baby in bed with soundly asleep husband while you go cry and do calming breathing exercises in the room next door.

Stage 12: Come back and rock baby to sleep while singing and glaring at soundly asleep snoring husband.

If needed, repeat all steps until baby is asleep. Always wait until baby has transitioned into quiet-sleep (rhythmic breathing, body is heavy and relaxed in your arms) from active-sleep (eyelids fluttering, movement and noises while sleeping) before attempting to move baby from one position to another. Never resort to Panado if baby doesn't have a fever or without consulting a doctor, a formula bottle if exclusively breastfeeding or porridge in the bottle.

Tonight we only got to Stage 2, tonight was a good night.

Disclaimer: Luckily we co-sleep so before she wakes in the night, I am able to dream-feed her, keeping her asleep until morning. It is only the initial getting her to sleep that takes some effort, especially during growth spurts and wonder weeks.